I walk in my healing because I have no choice, but sometimes I get ahead of myself. It’s almost like a baby who has recently learned to walk but does not understand the importance of maintaining their balance. That’s the perfect example! I'm doing better than I have been in decades (peep that) so I made a very big decision. The problem with my big decision is I didn’t understand the importance of balance.
I decided to move and Columbus became the place that I would move because I could and because I found the perfect house. I talked to God and everyone who would listen about this decision. I felt confident that I was making a sound decision and so I moved. Lesson 1: I made a very sound decision, but it was not a sound decision for “me”.
1 Cor. 10:23 says it best. “ You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” I went around boasting how God was giving me the opportunity to know that I could live independent of my tribe. The fact of the matter is I am able to live independent of my support system, however, that is not what's good for me and it is not beneficial for me.
Lesson 2: Listen to the people who love you.There are small things that I didn’t take into account when making this decision. Case in point there are specific times of the year when my depression is more easily triggered. The beginning of Fall is one of those times. While I love the beauty of the Fall I am more prone to have issues with my allergies which make me not feel well physically. When I have more than one day of physical illness I am more prone to have a dip in my mood. Another thing is when the days get shorter a lot of people tend to have seasonal depression. Seasonal depression makes me more prone to experiencing a depressive episode. These are facts that I knew going into this move. The people who love me the most pointed these things out to me but I was insistent on taking my own path. Again, everything I can do is not beneficial for me.
Lesson 3: There is no mistake that you can't come back from. With that being said I am going to acknowledge that this is the most costly lesson I've learned. Don’t get me wrong I can say that I flipped the house and found myself somewhere closer to home so that’s not what I mean by costly. The biggest cost has been time. Some very important people needed me most during this time away.
I decided to write about this because it means something more than you think that I learned these lessons. There was a time that I would’ve been too ashamed to confess that I personally need to be 30 mins or less from my tribe. I would’ve suffered in silence even if it killed me. The best lesson out of all of this is doing what is best for me no matter the cost. I am worth it! You’re worth it too!