A friend sent me a video of a young lady who was asked by her therapist what she needed. Her immediate response was, "I don't need anything". She went on to say that need is a trigger word for her because she doesn’t want anyone to think that she needs them. This is sad to me for so many reasons. The biggest reason is because I know this thought too well. I think it stems from a place of having needed different people at different phases of life and those people letting me down.
The fact of the matter is that I have needed someone from conception and so have you. I needed the nutrients that my mom provided while carrying me. I have needed the doctors and nurses at various points throughout my life for both physical and mental medical care. I needed my freshman year history professor to tell me that he would not accept mediocrity from me. I needed my cousin to babysit when Jeremy was a toddler. There have been so many times that I have needed someone that I cannot think of a time that I have not needed someone.
What is it about being let down by one or two people that pushes us into a space of thinking we don’t need anyone? Think of it in terms of a wound. Some wounds are more involved than others. It can take a day or two for some wounds to heal and for others it can take a lifetime. Sometimes it’s not even the initial wound that we need to heal. It is a subsequent wound that is caused by the initial wound. I get the pain and disappointment that is associated with some things, and I am not trying to pretend that I have always been in a place of moving past a gaping wound. I also know that if a wound does not get treated properly it can kill you.
A few weeks back a friend and I had a discussion about letting go of a wound so that they can heal. What I said to my friend was this, “The wound is there. We cannot pretend that it is not there, but are you going to nurse the wound into healing or are you going to make sure that it continues to hurt and harm you?” During that conversation I forced my friend into accepting support where they had a need but had never acknowledged. Honestly, I don’t know if they even realized that they had a need.
My point is we were not born into an empty world. Whether we are able to admit it or not we have needed someone at every stage of life. I have been at a place where I was going to do it on my own, a place where I did not acknowledge that I needed support. That almost cost me my life. It was a very hard place and I did not know how to come out of that place on my own. I needed those who loved me to help me. Don’t allow someone who you care about be in a place of need. Help them. We are all worth the love and support that only someone else can provide. I know I’m worth it! You’re worth it too!
*** If you or someone you know is suicidal or crisis call or text The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. ***