I wrote the words “I fear” today and immediately began to cry. The tears were tears of joy. I was happy because I stopped myself. I stopped myself from even finishing the sentence. This is amazingly huge for me! I can only thank God for it. I even quoted a scripture afterwards. Oftentimes I put my depression and anxiety down only to pick it up again after an incident. That was not the case today and I am proud!
Sometimes I question where I am in my healing journey. I know for certain that I am not where I used to be but I can get frustrated because my reality doesn’t always look the way that I want it to look. The thing is if I didn't have a mental illness I would have good days, boring days, bad days, and days that I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. The trick of the enemy comes in the form of doubt. I doubt what is normal and what is my illness. I have struggled with this for many many years. I have had a couple of therapists remind me that there is nothing wrong with validating my feelings and pushing forward.
I work hard to change negative thoughts. I cried because it happened so naturally. I can’t take credit. I know that it was God honoring the work I have put in regarding my growth and healing both mentally and spiritually. It just felt good. While I am sharing I often am afraid to celebrate my wins because I am uncertain when the next battle will come, but not this time. This time I will say thank You Lord and continue the work. I loved the feeling! I will continue to put in the work so that it becomes normal.
I challenge you to try to catch yourself when negative thoughts try to hold you to old standards. Remind those thoughts that you are not the person you once were. Then remind yourself of your wins. You have put in the work and it’s ok to celebrate your wins. I know that I am worth all of the celebrations that come my way! You’re worth it too!